My random list of really good baseball names:
There are some historically great baseball names, like old-time pitchers Burleigh Grimes, Rollie Fingers, Three Finger Brown and Smokey Joe Wood. And bad ones like Eric Plunk and Bob Walk.
LOOKING AT TODAY'S 40-MAN ROSTERS, HERE ARE SOME GOOD PITCHER NAMES:
Doug Fister (Mariners)
Jamey Wright (Mariners) Yes, he's a righty.
Aaron Laffey (Indians) Bring him in when the game gets out of hand.
Tony Sipp (Indians) Trouble is, the Indians never get to sip the champagne.
Kevin Slowey (Twins) Throws junkballs.
Zack Greinke. It's just a good name.
Mark Buerhle (White Sox) Sounds like a big guy.
Frank Francisco (Rangers) I keep wondering if his full name is Francisco Francisco.
John Maine (Mets). Only player named after a state.
Ryan Rowland-Smith (Mariners). Only MLB player ever with a hyphenated name.
Mark Lowe (Rangers) ...and just a little outside.
Ubaldo Jiminez (Rockies). Have you seen him with his hat off?
Huston Street (Rockies). Is that where he was born?
Mike Leake (Reds). When you gotta go...
Laynce Nix (Reds), Drew Stubbs (Reds) Both sound like shaving mistakes.
Fernando Abad (Astros). A bad pitcher?
Grant Balfour (Rays). It's BAL-four, but it looks like like ball four.
David Riske (Brewers) Risky business? He was briefly with the Red Sox.
Brian Bannister (Royals). He should slide.
Evan Meek (Pirates). As long as he's in Pittsburgh he won't be inheriting the earth.
Antonio Bastardo (Phillies). Clearly born out of wedlock. Did his Mom think people wouldn't know?
Tim Lincecum (Giants). I just like it. I saw him play in the Cape Cod League.
GOOD NAMES THAT AREN'T PITCHERS
Buster Posey (Giants). Also saw him play in the Cape Cod League. The PA guy on the Cape always called him "Busta"
Grady Sizemore (Indians) Scott Sizemore (Tigers) Both big guys.
Clete Thomas (Tigers) It's right up there with Spike Owen and Trot Nixon.
Ryan Budde (Angels) Hey, buddy!
Will Rhymes (Tigers). 3 and 2, the big one due.
Taylor Teagarden (Rangers) Remember Teegarden & Van Winkle's "God, Love and Rock & Roll" in 1970? No?
Taylor Tankersley (Marlins). It sounds like Dennis Eckersley when he had a bad game.
Casey Blake (Dodgers) In the poem "Casey at the Bat" the guy who's at bat right before Casey strikes out is named Blake.
Reggie Willits (Angels) Will its the bottom of the 9th.
Chipper Jones (Braves) Should have been a golfer.
Chin Lung Hu (Dodgers). Only MLB player with a name that has two body parts. He's a shortstop, but with a name like that he should play first base.
Prince Fielder (Brewers). He looks like a DH but could never be one with a name like that.
Craig Counsell (Brewers). He should have played on the Patriots along with Ty Law and Lawyer Milloy.
Chase Utley (Phillies). Great player with a great name.
Lastings Milledge (Pirates). Sounds like a Vice Presidential candidate in 1856.
Assdrubal Cabrera (Indians). It's a boy! Let's name him Assdrubal!
Yorvit Torrealba (Padres). Why Yorvit? Because Asdrubel was already taken.
(Okay, they're both from Venezuela, but Yorvit is actually older than Assdrubal, and Asdrubal really has only one s. But it's funnier with two.)
Matt Stairs (Padres) Is he up?
Coco Crisp (A's) Obvious.
Milton Bradley (Mariners). A real gamer. Also a jerk. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go.
Evan Longoria (Rays). How can you not think of Eva Longoria?
Ty Wigginton (Orioles). I just like the name.
Don Kelly (Tigers). He spells it the wrong way, but how can I not like it?
SHOULD BE A PITCHER:
Justin Smoak (Mariners).
Randy Winn (Cardinals)
SHOULDN'T BE A PITCHER:
Homer Bailey (Reds)
ROLLS OFF THE TONGUE NICELY:
Humberto Quintero (Astros)
Placido Polanco (Tigers).
Rod Barajas (Mets). Give the the R in his last name a really good rrrroll.
SPELLING BEE NAMES:
Jarrod Saltalamacchia (Rangers) A 14-letter name that barely fits on his shirt.
Mark Rzepczynski (Blue Jays) An 11-letter last name with only two and a half vowels.
SOUNDS LIKE A FIFA SOCCER PLAYER:
Ryan Langerhans (Mariners)
Jair Jurrjens (Braves)
PRETTY FUNNY NAME IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY IT:
Kosuko Fukudome (Cubs).
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